pws diaw ic`tiaw smpwdk:amrjiq cmdn slwm myn slwm krdw hw AwdmI dy imhnq ivc l`gy rihx num myn slwm krdw hw, Awaux vwly ^usgvwr mosmw num musibqw nwl pwly ipawr jd spl hoxgy biqy vyilaw dw vigaw hoieaw lhu izmdgi di Drq qon cu`k ky m`iqaw qy lwieaw jweygw[ -pws SukrguzwrI ieh ic`tiaw iek`tiaw krn qy Pyr ienhw num qrqib dyx num cokw smw l`gw hy[ ienhw ic`tiaw dy grwhk jy mynnum myriaw ic`tiaw dy jvwb dyx di Kycl krdy qw smpwdn diaw kei aukweiaw dur kiqiaw jw skdiaw sn[ ijvyn ic`tiaw c ijnhw nwvw QwvW qy GtnwvW dw izkr hovy, pwtk ausdw auhdw vyrvw jwnxw cwhumdy humdy hn[ ies ikqwb diaw kuj ic`tiaw pihlw Cp cu`kiaw hn, jo 43 grwhkw ny AwpxI mrzi nwl ktvf ky smpwdkw num G`lIAW hoxgiaw qy AgWh smpwdkw ny vi AwpxI mrzi di ktvf kiqi hovygi[ iemj pws dy vrqy A`KrjoVW di iekswrqw vi nhin rhi[
ijnhw ic`tiaw qy ilkx QW qy qwri^ nhin id`qi hoei, au~qy myn AMdwzy nwl cors bryktw c ilk id`qi hy[ kei QweIN pws ny Awpxy smkwli lykkw, irsqydwrw qy jwxuaw bwry AYsy l&z vrqy hn, ijnhw num ikqwb ivc pvh ky aunhw dw idl dukygw[ iesy kwrn kuj ic`tiaw myn ies ikqwb c nhin id`qiaw qy kei QweIN kwty dw inswn X lw id`qw hy, ijhdw mqlb hy ik ieqy nw jw purw i&krw jw kei i&kry k`ty hoey hn[ ibmdiaw dw inswn...au~qy hy, ij`qy l&z autwilaw nhin igaw[ mynum XkIn hy ik A`j qon vih qih swlw num ies ktvf dw koei mqlb nhin[ ienhw ic`tiaw dy Asl rup jw nklw tr`st kol, myry kol jw aunhw kol peiaw hn, ijnhw num pws ny ilkiaw sn[ mynum aumid hy ik iek idn ieh swriaw ic`tiaw pws di Xwdgwr ivc r`k id`qiaw jwxgiaw, ijqy swihq dy KojI jw jivnikwr Asl rup c pvh ilaw krngy[ pws diaw kuj ic`tiaw inriaw kwrobwri, isawsi j`qybmdk hox kwrn myn ies ikqwb c nhin pweiaw, Awm pwtk di ienhw c idlcspi Swied hi hovy[ ic`tiaw dy smpwdn c do qriky vrqy jwdy hn[ iek qrqib qw qwri^vwr humdi hy qy duji ivakqiaw dy nwvw vwr[ myn ivakqiaw vwli qrqib vrqi hy[ ies nwl pwtk qy lykk qy bjvw Asr pyndw hy[ ies ikqwb vwliaw kei ic`tiaw pws dy ipqw srdwr sohx ismg smdu ny smbwl ky r`kiaw hoeiaw hn[ rwm srup AxKI ny gurcrn cwl BIKI Aqy rwm ismg cwhl num ilkiaw pws diaw ic`tiaw bvi Kycl nwl lb ky G`lIAW[ ji. si. (gurmyj cmd) m`l ny dip klyr qy smdu virawxvi vwliaw ic`tiaw lbiaw[ myn iemglynf ivc rihmdy pws dy im`qrw dw vi Sukr krdw hw ik ienhw ny pws dy Kq ies ikqwb vwsqy id`qy[ subws pirhwr dw aucycw SukrZuzwr hw ik ieh ies ikqwb di iqawri c kei qrhw shwei hoieaw[ rsmi c`fw ikmni cmgi hy ik iehny pws diaw
ikqwbw dy srvrk qy postr idl lw ky fizwein kiqy hn pr ievzwny dw kdy bhuqw svwl nhin pwaundi[ p`qrgrwhk Sbd myn pmjwbi ivc pihli vwr GiVAw qy vriqaw hy ijhdw mqlb hy pqr jw ic`ti hwsl krn vwlw[ pqr ilkx vwly num qw pqr pryrk AwKdy hi hn[ pqrgrwhk vwsqy aurdu vwly ArbI dw l&z mkqubielyh vrqdy hn[ ieh pmjwbi c nhin c`lx l`gw, jy clwieaw qw ivgv ky ib`lw bx jweygw[ ies ikqwb dy Cwpk primmdrjiq Aqy hor swqiaw jspwl j`si, primmdr ismg Aqy svrnjiq svi di puri imlvrqx nwl ieh ikqwb swkwr ho ski hy[ ienhw dw vi myn idlon Sukr guzwr hw[ -A. cm. Awidkw ic`ti di jvh smsikrq dy Sbd icit ivc hy, ijhdw ArQ hy Byjxw[ ^q qy idnvrki (fwieri) c koei bhuqw &rk nhin[ ^q qy idnvrki ivc Sbd aus qjrby dy bhuq nyvy humdy hn, ijhnum AMgRyzI c Raw AwiKAw jw skdw hy[ ic`ti qy idnvrki izmdgi hy qy hor ilkqw i&ksn humdiaw hn[ ic`ti vi ijvyn SISy A`gy Awpxy Awp nwl kiqi g`l humdi hy, jo bmdy num pwgl hoxon bcwaundi hy[ ic`ti ivc ijjk bhuq G`t jwdi hy[ jo g`l iksy dy mumh qy jw tyli&on qy nhin AwKI jw skdi (iskwieq iskvw jw ipawr dw iezhwr) auh ic`ti ivc AwKI jw jwdi hy[ ic`ti s`c dy vdyry nyvy humdi hy[ BwvyN ieh g`l swd-murwdy AwSkW dy iek
dujy num ilky qy kei vwr ADvwty PVy gey ru`ikaw ivc ilki hovy jw AimRqw v`lon swihr num G`ly sunyhivaw ivc: h`qin Awpxy ilky sunyhvy vy myn h`qin AwpxIN Awp vsul pwvin[ koei koei ^q vsl dw pys-ro humdw hy[ ies qon swdw sunyhvw ikhvw hoxw hy: mwr jgiro gyvw, ni myn Edr igaw...[in`ky humidaw suirmdr kor di Awvwz ivc suxy smqok ismg DIr dy giq A`j qyrw ^q imilaw hoei ijmd s`kxi BrpUr Aqy BweI smumd ismg dy mumhon guru nwnk di Aw^rI rcnw swjn dyis ivdysiavy swnyhvy dydi diaw vsl qy ihjr diaw surw iek dujy c AByd humdiaw A`KIAW QwxIN vihx l`gdiaw hn[ Xwr &ridw auh drd slwmq ijnhw ny Xwr imlwey[ [Zulwm &rid] myri syjviey AfMbr bixaw mn cwau BieAw prb Awvq suixaw] mhlw 3 ] hwly qw prb Awvx di g`l hi suxi hy[ kwsd sunyhw dy ky jw cu`kw hy qy ^usi dy vlyl ivc syj nwl g`lw vi SurU ho geiaw[ jd prb nwl syj mwxi qw ki hwl hovygw[ Aqy mgron ijsm qy ruh qy ki biqygi[ ^wb Qw Xw ^Xwl Qw kxw Qw[ ihjr Qw Xw ivswl Qw kxw Qw[ [mus`pi] ivcovw aufik qy vsl Awpo ivc smgli vwg Atu`t juvy hoey hn, pr ienhw di qrqib ieko kdy nhin rihmdi[ ivcovw AqIq vi ho skdw hy, vsl vrqmwn qy aufik BivK[ ieh qrqib vi bdldi rihmdi hy[ smyn dy iqmny rup hm-skl ho jwdy hn[ hiry di kxi vwg Tos, jo hmysw mojud dy SISy num k`tdw rihmdw hy ic`tiaw au~qy kysr dy ic`ty dy ky Awpxy lok vsl dw nvw rmg Brdy humdy sn[ ^q num qwr smjx dw iesrws humdw si[ AMqm
ivcovy moq dw AYlwn ^q di kmni pwv ky kiqw jwdw si-kwzz nwlon tu`itaw kwzz, izmdgi nwlon tu`ti izmdgi[ jonh brjr AwKdw hy ik smw do qrhw dw humdw hy, ijsmwni qy izhni[ ijsmwni smw qw pihlw hi qya-sudw humdw hy[ ijsm purwxw pyndw jwdw hy[ ijsm mrn di iqawri krdw rihmdw hy[ moq qy smyn dw hmysw gtjov humdw hy[smw holi holi mwr krdw hy qy moq iekdm[ izhn smyn num jiaundw hy, is`dq nwl[ ijmnw iek lmhy dw qjrbw fumgw hovy, qjrbw Enw hi AmIr humdw hy[ iesy is`dq num smyn dw coqw AwXwm (fiemynsn) AwKdy hn[ BwrqI &ls&y ivc ieh dsvw duawr hy[ A`j rwq iek rwq di rwq jia ky AsW ijaux qon vd ky jia ilaw ey[ A`j rwq AimRq dy jwm vwgu ienhw hotw ny Xwr num pi ilaw ey[ [&Yz] qurki Swier nwzm ihkmq ny A`iDEN vd aumr mwsko ivc jlwvqni c guzwri si[ svyry autidaw iehdi swri ibrqi drw nwl juvi rihmdi[ fwkiaw Aw ky GMtI vjwaundw, qw ieh D`w ky drw v`l jwdw[ iek idn svyrswr GMtI v`ji[ ieh kwhli nwl drvwzy v`l vidaw qy kumfw KolHx qon pihlw hi iehdy idl dw ru`g BirAw igaw, QweIN FyrI ho igaw qy prwx iqawg id`qy[es mnhus idn iehnum ikhvy ^q Awey hoxgy? ki auh ^q vi AwieAw hoeygw, ijhdi aufik ieh izmdgi Br krdw irhw? nwzm di rubwei hy: iek idn mw kudrq AwKygI bs kr myry b`cy qyrw hwsw vi mu`kw qy roxw vi Pyr Asgwh AnMd izmdgi SurU hoeygi nw dykx, nw bolx qy nw socx di izmdgi[
ki mw kudrq hwsy qy roxy dy nwl aufik vi mukw idmdi hy jw AnMq izmdgi ivc aufik vi AnMq ho jwdi hy? ic`ti ienswn di ijsmwni duri, ivcovy qy aufik di inswni humdi hy Aqy AxiliKAw qrlw qy qoklw vi ik ieh &wslw qy ivcovw ikqy idno-idn vddw nw jwey[ ieh Skwieq Awm humdi hy ik su`k ivc koei iksy num Xwd nhin krdw[ im`qr ipawrw qw autidaw bihmidaw hsidaw Xwd AwauNdw hy[ pr ic`ti do A`KrW di Kycl humdi hy, Xwd dw iek qrhw dw ilkqi ibawn vi ik dyk Xwr s`jx, myn qynum BulwieAw nhin, qum BwvyN ivswr deyn[ qum swnum in`q cyqy krnw AsIN BulWdy jwxw... [mzhr iqrmzi] ki koei iemj ic`ti c ilk skdy? ieh Agly dw idl qovn vwli g`l hy[ ieqy kvi ny hwlq num aultw ky ibawn kiqw hy[ rvwieqi g`l qw ieh hy-myn qynum in`q cyqy krnw, qum BulWdy jwxw[ swri ipawr kivqw iesy Aihsws nwl BrI pei hy: myrw qyry nwl ipawr hy, pr qynum myry nwl nhin[ jw mynum qyri aufik hy, pr qynu myri aufik nhin[ Xwd krn vwly Xwd vi krdy hn qy Bulw dyx vwly Bulw vi idmdy hn[ im`qrw ilk ikqwbq ByjI l`gw bwx iprw qvpyndi qn ivc qwkq rhi nw mul ey ro ro hr& pcwxidw[ (Swh husyn) tyli&on eynw Awm hox dy bwvjud lok hwly vi s`jxw num ic`tiaw ilkdy hn[ jrmn fwkkwny di mshuri dw nwhrw hy: vify SrweIbn-muV ic`ti ilko jw ic`ti ilkdy rho[ GrW, stysnw, b`s A`ifAW, hvwei A`ifAW qy s`jxw dw qurn vwly num iehi Aw^rI iesrwr humdw hy: ic`ti pwvin[ duniaw dy hr mulk dy lok ivcvidaw iehi g`l AwKdy hn[ kuj ic`tiaw Ax-pweIAW rih jwdiaw hn[ kw&kw dw Awpxy bwp num ilikaw ^q swri duniaw pvh cu`ki hy[ pr iehdy
bwp ny nhin si pivhaw, ikaunik ieh iehnum imilaw nhin si[ kuj ic`tiaw KuMJ jwdiaw hn qy kuj mmizl qy A`pV ky vi Ax- KolHIAW rih jwdiaw hn[ mohx ismg ny pmjwhw dy SurU ivc AmrIkw dy PWsI l`gy roznbrg jovy bwry kivqw ilki si[ iehdw Aw^rI imsrw hy: iek sihk iskmdvw ^q AwieAw A`j eys num kox KolHy ipaw... bviaw aufikw mgron s`jx dw sihkdw-is`kdw ^q AwieAw hy Aqy nwl hi izmdgi dy SwhzwidAW di moq di ^br AweI hy[ mohx ismg di ieh kivqw ies Ax-KolHy ^q sdkw XwdgwrI kivqw bxi[ 18vIN sdi dy rwjsqni kvi ibhwri dw dohw hy: kr ly cuim CVHwey isr, aur lgwx Buj ByNit[ lwih pwqi ipx ki iqxw, bwcq Driq smyit] prymkw num ic`ti imldi hy,qw auh ki krdi hy-h`qw c lyndi hy, cummdi hy, isr nwl lwaundi hy, ih`k nwl lwaundi hy, bwhvw ivc BrdI hy[ piaw di ic`ti ly auh pvhdi hy, r`kdi hy, swbdi hy Aqy muv-muv eyho kuj kri jwdi hy[ kvi ibhwri dw hi iek dohw hy: kwgq pr ilkq nw bnq, khq smdys ljwq[ kihhy sb qyro ihxo myry ihx ki bwq] kwzz qy ilikaw g`l nhin bxdi, mumhon AwiKAW smg AwauNdI hy[ qyrw idl hi sb kuj d`s deygw ik myry idl c ki hy-xwni aus kolon hi pu`c lvin[ ki iksy num ^q ilkxw iskwieaw jw skdw hy? ilkx jwc vwliaw ikqwbw CpdIAW rihmdiaw hn[ pr koei prym p`qr ilkx dw gur nhin bxw sikaw[ kuj hor gur isawixaw ny bxwey hn ik ^q ilkx dw AMdwz sihj qy Awp-muhwrw hovy, ^uski qy SO^I nw hovy, Bwvnw hovy pr AqBwvnw nhin, ivdvqw dw idkwvw
nw hovy qy nw hocw mzwk[ SYkspIAr dw hylmt AwKdw hy: Awpxy qwein s`cy rho[ (tu dwein En syl& bi tru) sqwrvin sdi ivc iksy &rwsisi ny AwiKAw si ik ic`ti ilkx dw hunr Aorq kol vd humdw hy[ ic`tiaw dy hunr num vwlqyar, kits qy bwaudlyar vrgy lykkw ny AmIr kiqw, ikaunik iehnw diaw ic`tiaw ivc AorqW vwli nzwkq nzr AwauNdI hy[ ic`ti-swihq ivc &rws qy iemglynf, jrmni qy AmrIkw qon A`gy smjy jwdy hn[ ic`ti in`ji jw iekbwliaw swihq dw hi AMg hy[ iekbwliaw swihq dw irvwj 1781 ivc ruso di svy-jivni kn&ysnz Cpx nwl ipaw si[ AWdry jind num Awpxy nwvlkwr hox dw bhuqw XkIn nhin si, pr iehny Awqm-kQw qy idnvrki pury XkIn nwl ilki[ sti&n spynfr ies sdi dw v`fw AMgryz kvi hy, pr Awpxy in`ji swihq sdkw iehdw nw vd hy[ pmjwbi ivc AMimRqw priqm dy prcy nwgmxi nwl in`ji swihq dw irvwj ipaw[ isawxy AwKdy hn ik ienswni i&qrq di s`cwei AwqmkQw ilk ky aujwgr nhin humdi, sgon ies num khwxi jw nwvl (i&ksn) c Fwl ky aujwgr humdi hy[ iksy lykk di ic`ti jw idnvrki pvh ky pwtk num ieh nhin l`gdw ik ies ilkq num Amr hox dw ruqbw hwsl ho jweygw[ pr EhI g`lw kivqw jw i&ksn ivc pru`c ky Amr ho skdiaw hn[ pr julias &Uck, AYn &rynk, joxw jw qwniaw diaw idnvrkiaw iksy vi i&ksn jw kivqw nwlon Amr hn[ pmjwb kol guru goibmd ismg dy z&rnwmy qon bwd jw qw rwxi ijmdw diaw komi Swn Ku`sx dy Jory diaw ic`tiaw hn, jw Bgq ismg diaw ies Swn num muv hwsl krn di nwkwm koiss diaw[ pmjwb qon dur nypwlon pmjwbi ivc ilkiaw kydx ijmdw diaw ic`tiaw ivc qrlw hy-myn nmdx (lmfn) &irawd krwgi... Aqy lwhor jylh con Bgq ismg diaw AMgryzI ivc ilkiaw ic`tiaw ivc vmgwr-asin jmgi kydi hw, swnum goli mwri jwey...[ iek
pwsy cik hy qy dujy pwsy jykwrw[ jwbrw ny nw cik suxi si qy nw vmgwr[ auh boly sn[ pws diaw ic`tiaw ies ikqwb ivc pws diaw auh ic`tiaw hn, jo iehny Awpxy dosqw, smkwli ilkwriaw qy AMg-swkW num ilkiaw sn[ ienhw ivc pws dy kivqw qon bwhrly ienswn dy didwr humdy hn, ienswn jo ipawr qy igawn dw Bu`Kw hy, jo nwiek nhin, ienswn hi bixaw rihxw cwhumdw hy[ ieh ic`tiaw pvh ky l`gdw hy ik pws quhwfy kol bytw quhwfy nwl g`lw krdw hy[ pws ny bhuq swriaw ic`tiaw ilkiaw hoxgiaw[ pr ies ikqwb ivc auh ic`tiaw hi Aw skiaw hn, jo eyny virhaw c smyn di mwr qon bciaw rih geiaw[ sb qon v`fw bgocw qw ieh hy ik pws di AwpxI mihbub num ilki koei vi ic`ti kdy j`gzwhr nhin hoxi, BwvyN ik AwKdy humdy hn ik kvi diaw ilkiaw kivqwvw Awpxy mihbub num ilkiaw ic`tiaw hi humdiaw hn[ pmjwbi ivc hwly qk lykkw, klwkwrw qy hor au~gy lokw diaw ic`tiaw diaw ikqwbw Cwpx dw irvwj nhin ipaw[ swfy vfyiraw con hwly nwnk ismg di ^qo-ikqwbq hi CpI hy Aqy gurbks diaw AwpxI pqni qon ielwvw hor lokw num ilkiaw ic`tiaw iek`tiaw krn di iksy Kycl qk nhin kiqi[ ic`ti bwry sb qon mufli g`l qw ieh hy ik ieh ilkx vwly dw k`cw q`q-bv`qw (r&) qjrubw humdi hy[ BwvyN ik pws AwpxI qisri ikqwb swfy simaw ivc num vi r&aykspirayns AwKdw hy[ ic`ti ivc koei i^awl koei qjrubw is`dw kwzz qy auqrdw hy, pr ilkx vwlw ic`ti di ilkq num EnI gmbir nhin smjdw, ijmni auh AwpxI swihqk rcnw num smjdw hy[ kivqw di mufli iebwrq Aqy CpI hoei iebwrq ivc Awm qor qy
QohVw jw bhuqw &rk humdw hy[ XUrp, AmrIkw ivc mshur bmidaw kolon ig`ly siimmt qy h`qw jw pyrw dy inswn lvwey jwdy hn jw kuj ilkvwieaw jwdw hy, qwik ju`gw qk inswni bxi rhy[ ic`ti vi ig`ly siimmt qy ilki iebwrq humdi hy-ieh iek vwri ilki muv bdli nhin jwdi[ ic`ti di iebwrq ivc byvswhi vi humdi hy[ iek vwr ic`ti bmd krky jw fwk ivc pw ky ilkx vwlw mgron pcqw vi skdw hy[ ic`ti ilkx vyly bvy G`t lokw num ieh i^awl humdw hoxw hy ik aunhw di ilki ic`ti kdy CpygI[ ieh i^awl swry lykkw num vi nhin humdw[ pqw nhin ik pws num ieh pqw si jw nhin ik iehdiaw ic`tiaw di ikqwb iksy idn CpygI[ pr Bgq ismg num XkIn si qy auhdy XkIn dy do kwrn hor sn[ pws diaw ic`tiaw di v`fi is&q ieh hy ik BwvyN iehnum ienhw dy Cpx dw gumwn humdw vi hoeygw, qw vi ieh ic`ti nwiek qy pqvmq hox dw mkotw pw ky nhin ilkdw Aqy izmdgi, swihq qy hor svwlw bwry Awpxy ivcwr infr ho ky prgt krdw hy[ myn sodvwdi BgOVw vi hw[ isv dw Brw vi Aqy AiMmRqw dw im`qr vi hw[ myn ies ivc koei Apmwn vi nhin smjdw[ -smdu virawxvi num ^q bhuqiaw ic`tiaw qw dosqi qy ipawr dy prgtwvy diaw hn, pr surjiq pwqr, SmSyr smdu qy drsn blmdvi dy nw ilkiaw ic`tiaw ivc pws dy swihq bwry ivcwr eyny moilk qy ivcwroqyjk hn ik ieh ienhw num AwDwr bxw ky pmjwbi swihq jgq ivc bihs qor skdw si[ jw ieh myri ^usi&hmi hi hy, ikaunik pws ijmnhw ruh num kyd krn vwly BWjvwdI prgqisil swihq di pydwvwr krn vwly qy AWifAW dy Kol di BurjI bxwaux vwly jqybmdki lykkw dw moju auvwaundw hy, auh qw A`j vi vihvin sdi dy A^Ir c vi smn 1936 vwgum hi soc qy ilk rhy hn[(xwd rhy, A`j kyndri lykk sbw dy mynbrw di igxqi iqmn hzwr hy[)
pws dy swihqk msilaw bwry ivcwr pvh ky hyrwni humdi hy ik ieh pmjwb di mwniskqw qon ikmnw Agyry si[ iehdy vrgy hi ivcwr rus ivc ienklwb qon bwad zwimawiqn vrgy lykkw dy vi sn, pr aunhw di iksy nw suxi[ ijhdw hsr A`j swfy swhmxy hy[ pwqr, smdu qy bulmdvi num ilkiaw ic`tiaw ivc kei GuMfIAW qy bwrikiaw hn[ iek pwsy ieh mrxau burxvw suhijaw nwl smvwd kridaw AsIN dy bhuvcn ivc g`l krdw hy[ pr iehny smq rwm audwsi di iksy hor QW kiqi vifawei qon Cu`t AwpxI hi idr dy smkwliaw bwry vi kdy iek Sbd vi nhin ilikaw[ lwl ismg idl bwry iehdi cu`p hor vi rvkdi hy, jd ik idl iksy vi ilhwz nwl pws nwlon G`t smr`q kvi nhin hy[ pwqr vwli ic`ti ivc hi ieko i&kry c drsn KtkV num ziro kr idmdw hy[ iesy ic`ti ivc Dwrimk rv`eiey vwly mwrksvwdiaw bwry pws di rwey gmbirqw nwl socx vwli hy: swfy mwksvwdi bhuqy isawxy nhin hn[auynhw nwl smvwd clwaux dw mokw nhin hy[ ieh iksy di im`ti pliq kr skdy hn, smvwd nhin kr skdy[ (AwpxI im`ti aunhw kol hy hi nhin)[ Ajokw pmjwbi swihq bhuqw smwjvwdi XQrQvwd diaw lihw qy lokw bwry ilikaw swihq hy, lokw vwsqy nhin[ ieh inri AwriQk lu`t-koh di spwt ibawni krdw hy[ pws iehnum bvhkw mwr ky ilki KoKlI kivqw Aqy ieqon qk ik BWjvwdI swihq AwKdw hy, swihq ik ijhvw gumjldwr smwjk XQwrQ ivc KulHx di Xwqnw num sihxw nhin cwhumdw [ (SmSyr smdu num 19-4-74 dw ^q)[ pws mshur hox num qs`dd qy gl dw r`sw smjdw hy Aqy AwKdw hy ik pwtkw dy h`q ivc kvi di moq ilki humdi hy[ (pwqr num ^q) dusri ikqwb aufdy bwzw mgr qon bwad iehdw jigawsw dw dor SurU hoieaw, jo iehdy pihlw dy igjwey pwtkw
num rws nhin si Aw irhw[ ies bwry iehdi SyrjMg jwgli num 13 mwrc 74 di ilki ic`ti pvhn vwli hy: Aw^r AwdmI diaw audws hox diaw smrqwvw ny aus di S^sIAq num bhup`kqw di AmIrI bksi hy nw[ iehnw kivqwvw num myn jwx ky ikj nwl Cpvw irhw hw[ krwqikwri pwtkw dy imhdy au`qy jmmi hoei br& qovn lei myn ienhw num kwrqusw vwg vrq irhw hw[ AsIN izmdgi dy ivswl kynvs qon bhuq simq prbwv lyx di Awdq ijhi pw dyx dy dosi hw-ieh dos krwqi lei lvy jw rhy Xu`D dw vi dos hy Aqy mmqv di mhwnqw di qohin vi[ jy qusin mynum izmdgi ivc kuj nw hwsl kr skx qy vi sdw cvhdiaw klw ivc rihx vwilaw vwg q`kxw cwhumdy ho qw mynum mw& krnw, myn aunhw mhwn purkw ivcon nhin hw[ myn mnu`k hw, bhuq kuj in`kwin`kw jov ky bixaw hw[ iqmn swlw bwad iek hor ic`ti ivc pws ny JUTy swihqk vkwr num iehnw SbdW nwl r`d kiqw si: auh swlw vkwr hi kwhdw hoieaw, jo Awpxy Asl AMdr auqy inrdwrq nw hovy[ Ajyhy dmbi qy nkli vkwr dw nws ho jwxw ivakqi qy smwj lei &wiedymmd hy[ kivqw jo lokihq muki nhin, qw svymuki qw zrur hoxi cwhidi hy[ ijhvw bmdw svy nwl eimwndwr nhin, auh kdi vi smwj jw lokw nwl iensw& qy eimwndwri dy guxw vwlw swihq nhin ilk skdw[- ies krky hi swfy lok ihqu swihq ivc SkqI nhin Br rhi[ AsIN lok in`ji jivn ivc ^ud swhvyn gunwhgwr humdy hoey vi jnqw dy gunwhgwrw num llkwrdy hw, qw swfi llkwr k`ci ip`li hoxi kudrqi hy[ myn ies rujwn di &OrI moq dykxi cwhumdw hw, BwvyN kivqw ivc ivakqivwdi sur Pyr BwrU ho jwey, aus ivc s`c vwli tumbvin qwkq qw hovy[ myrw ivsvws hy ik ASkq lok jiaundi kivqw jw khwxi kdy nhin ilk skdy[ (smdu virawxvi num 28-4-1977 dw ^q)
pwqr num ilki ic`ti ivc pws pmjwbi swihq dy aus p`k bwry bvy pqy di g`l krdw hy, ijs num ^ud swihqkwrw, AwlockW qy isawsi AwgUAW ny nhin smijaw: Asl ivc iksy BYVI ivcwqrdwrw di vi bhuq cmgi kivqw ilki jw skdi hy qy bhuq cmgi ivcwrdwrw bwry nhwieq buri kivqw vi ilk ho skdi hy[ sgon pmjwbi ivc qw hoieaw hi iemj hy ik cmgi ivcwrdwrw bwry bhuq hi GtIAw kivqwvw ilkiaw geiaw hn[ AsIN sb Bu`KW-QuVW dy mwry rhy hn[ myn pws di qmgi nyiven dyki hy[ ic`tiaw ivc kei QweIN idl psijx vwlw ibawn hy[ dm Gutx vwly mwhol c vi ieh ienswni hwlq (ihaumn kmfisn) dw FUMGw mqlb k`fdw hy Aqy AMqW di inrwsqw c vi AwsmMd rihmdw hy[ SmSyr smdu vwli ic`ti ivc pyrin pwei tu`ti hoei cpl num AwpxI hoxi d`sdw hy Aqy AwpxI BYx prmjiq kol Awpxy ivawh dw hwl iemj ibawn krdw hy: myn ies ivawh nwl nw bhuqw duki hw nw bhuqw ^us[ myn qw sb kuj hi vwhguru qy C`f id`qw si[ ieh g`l pvh ky pws di hi ieh kivqw Xwd AwauNdI hy ik izmdgi numm mwnx vwly qw hor lok hn qy AsIN hw ik kivqw ilkdy hw [ Pyr Awpxy ipqw num AmrIkw ivc pytrol pmp qy kwrw c pytrol Brn di s^q jwn idhwvi krn bwry in`kw-in`kw vyrvw ilkidaw Asl g`l nhin ilkdw ik AmrIkw di ^ushwl izmdgi dw iehdw qs`vr iks qrhw tu`itaw[ iemj pwtk hr ic`ti pvh ky vykx, aunhw num pqw l`gygw ik pws aunhw vrgw hi cmgw jw mwvw, pr ipawrw ienswn si[ lmfn, nvmbr 1990 AmrjIq cmdn
lkivmdr au~gi dy nw myk&wrlynf [Agsq 1986] lkivmdr, hux kdon hoxgy myly? qyri CW ivc s`jxw myn kei virhaw qon q`qi vwa vi nhin si dyki myn qyry qy eynw Awsrq ho igaw sw ik mynum rvkxon hi ht gei si ies duniaw di KrHvI jhi hond[ qyry bl nwl eynw dlyr ho igaw sw ik hr nwfu ^W num n`qu KYrw hi smjx qy qul igaw sw myn[ qum AwpxI su`ci muh`bq qy ipawr nwl myry lei swry surg hyc kr id`qy sn[ qyri mwxm`qi Apx`q ny mynum swry jhwn di krupqw Aqy kurkq byilhwzi Bulw id`qy sn[ qdy hi Kvry myn Bwrq num, Awpxy sibawcwr Awid num nhin isr& jy im`s krdw hw qw b`s izmdgi num XwnI ik qynum im`s krdw hw[ bwhr Aw ky myn buri qrhw k`lw ho igaw hw[ jw kihxw cwhidw hy ik ho igaw Sbd hi Zlq hy[ bwhr Aw ky qw myn hoxon hi ht igaw hw[ lkivmdr, eyqy ru`k bvy husin hn: iek qrwisaw hoieaw kudrqipn hy aunhw ivc[ myn pihlw pihlw hyrwn hoieaw[ mynum jwipaw ik swry drkq bvy ru`ky humdy hoxgy[ Asl ivc g`l pqw ki si? A`T non swlw qon myn qyqon ibnw kuj dyikaw nhin si Swied[ eyqy Asmwn SwmW num bhuq suhwvxw ho jwdw hy[ jhwzw nwl lgwqwr gumjdw qy QrQrwauNdw hoieaw[ pr jd AwpW dovyn humdy si[ bynk di C`q auqy jw skul dy ivhvy ivc jw bwei vwly cubwry dy ipcly buhy kol-jd mwmuli...ipq humdi si,qw EdUM sohxw Asmwn koei nhin ho skdw[ lkivmdr qyry kol qw hux vi XwrW di Cihbr l`gi hi rihmdi hoxi hi ey pr myn ikvyn k`tdw hw qum soc vi nhin skdw[ pihli qw g`l eydw dw koei l`b hi nhin skdw jo bcpn qon ly ky hux q`k dy swry Byqw dw ByqI hovy qy ijs nwl idl di hr nu`kr
PolI jw sky[ dujw ieh ik AYQy eynw ivhlw ikhvw hy, jo swrw idn qw ki iqmn cwr GMty vi nwl ibqw sky[ (dsq^q qon ibnw) (nvmbr 1986) ipawry lkivmdr, mynum eyqy Awey num cwr mhiny ho c`ly[ myn purw nhin qw vwhvw prsmn ji irhw[ quhwfy XU. pi. ivawh jwx bwry pqw l`gw si[ ieh vi pqw l`gw ik myri rwju BYx bhuq bimwr rhi hy[ Swied mlyriey dw hi muv hmlw ho igaw hovy[ qy mynum aumid hy ik Swied qum pqw krn igaw hovyn[ myrw bhuqw kmm v`k v`k SihrW Aqy dysw ivc GuMmx iprn dw hi hy[ eyqy phumcx mgron (U.K., U.S.A.) qon ibnw myn do mulk hor dyk AwieAW[ k`l num Pyr kynyfw jw irhw hw[ ic`ti ies lei ilki hy ik sb qon zruri kmm BYx dy irsqy bwry qyry nwl ivcwr kr skw[ eyqy hux q`k imly swry mumifaw con aumr v`lon, sux`ky hox v`lon, cmgy subwa Aqy ikawlw v`lon mynum do mumfy jcy hn hux qwein[ vysy mumfy qw bhuq hn iksy num Ajy grin kwrf nhin imilaw[ iksy ny GridAW di mrzi muqwbk ivawh krnw hy[ ienhw dohw ivcon iek mumfw mnjiq gryvwl hy, luidawxy lwgy ipmf XoDW dw[ dujw AimRqpwl hy bmigaw lwgy dw[ ieh dovyn swfy nvyn bxy rystorynt dy ih`sydwr hn Aqy bhuq biby mumfy hn[ mnjiq icrw dw grin kwrf holfr hy qy AMbw Agly mhiny bnx vwlw hy qum mmifawly jw ky Pu`PV ji horw dy ierwdy di suh lein qw jo A`gy Aqy spst g`lbwq clw skiey[ DMnvwd[ jspwl qon ikmw mmgdw hw ik AwaNidAW iml nhin sky[ Asl ivc qum d`isaw hi qurn qon bwd si ik jspwl horin muv Awey hn[ suswieti diaw nviaw coxw kox ij`iqaw? idawn
r`kin ik sudwgr ishum Gry ic`ti nw G`l dyvy[ AMby dw srnwvw mwsi num ilkw dyein[ -pws suirmdrpwl Srmw dy nw mykr&wrlynf 5-8-84 siqkwrxog gurudyv, ^q ivc ddyri lei ikmw krnw[ ijvyn quhwnum au~gien pqw l`g hi igaw hoxw ik myn do qy iemglynf rih ky hux AmrIkw phumicaw hoieaw hw[ qy hux ies ^q qon pqw l`gygw ik TIk Twk hw[ i&kr hy qw bs ieh ik idno idn ivgvdy jwdy kwhol ivc qusin sb lok ki ki kr rhy hovongymyn ijnhw lokw v`lon eyqy bulwieaw igaw hw, aunhw di bvi hi ipawri, auqswhi, suj`g Aqy in`gr j`qybmdi hy eyqy[ ^ws kr ivdysw di AjIbo-ZrIb izmdgi ivc ijhvw Bwvnwqmk qy boidk surg aunhw auswiraw hoieaw hy auh ibnw S`k Swndwr hy[apxy lei pmjwb ivc AijhI FwxI isrj lyxw Efw ikrsmw nhin ijmnnw ies pqwli DrqI auqy ienhw dw kmm hy[ mynnum hux q`k Borw vi iemj nhin l`gw ik myn AwpxI FwxI num C`f ky Aw igaw hw[ ieh myri ^usiksmqi hi smjo[ Anti-47 Front dy progrwm Aqy mnsy qw bvy ivsqwr di mmg krdy hn ies bwry Agly ^q ivc ilkwgw[ ies ic`ti num qw myri suk-swd di rsid hi smjo[ Awaux l`igaw jo myn quhwfy nwl AwpxI FwxI bwry g`lbwq kridaw vwadw ilaw si aus num AxgOilAW nw kr dyxw[ myry
mgron ieh quhwfi hi zummyvwri hy ik ies gru`p num auswru lihw auqy brkrwr r`ikaw jwvy[ i&rkw-prsqi ivrodi smgrs vl ies di idsw kdi aulj nw sky[ ies FwxI num v`d qon v`d sucyq r`kx di zummyvwri hux myry nwlon ikqy v`d isawxy isr auqy pei hoei hox kr ky mynum aunj qw ies bwry G`t hi smsw hy[ bweiaw nwl smprk dw kuj bixaw ik nhin? BrwvW dosqw qon v`fi ciz ies jivn dw hor koei srmwieaw nhin[ myn jiivaw hw qw hux qwein ienhw irsiqaw sdkw hi[ -pws sukdyv is`du dy nw 28-11-85 ipawry sukdyv, in`gi Xwd! qyri ic`ti dykx qy pcwnx swr myn pihlw qw hyrwn rih igaw[ Pyr ^us bvw hoieaw[ hyrwn pqw ikaun? jdon qum eyqy au~gi mynum imlx AwieAw si qw myn Awpxy ksuqy ijhy Aqy pihlw qon insicq ruzgwri rujyivaw kwrn rwq num quhwfy nwl nw si rih sikaw[ svyry jd myn s`q ku vjy ipmfon itausn pvhw ky muivaw qw ieh jwx ky bvw audws hoieaw ik qusin swjry hi jw cu`ky si[ myn Awpxy Awp num bvi lwhnq pwei ik jy sukdyv num eyni hi kwhli si qw myn A`j svyr di pvhwei ims hi ikaun nw kr id`qi[ EdoN qon hi mynum KuVkdI rhi hy ik qum Swied Zusw mmn ky clw igaw hoxw ik AsIN (qum) eyni dur qon imlx Awey qy ieh rwq dw ivhl vi nhin kf sikaw[ ikvyn AYQy au~gi hi iemglynf vrgw tweit rutin bxw r`ikaw hy? hux mynum cmgi qrhw qw cyqy
nhin irhw[ aus idn AglI svyr koei ^ws hi g`l si, ijs dw mynum Awm qon v`d i&kr si[ ^Yr[ pr qyri ic`ti dyk ky myrw auh swl purwxw DuVkU lih ijhw igaw[ Sukr ey ik qum mweinf nhin kiqw[ Swied mweinf nw krn ip`cy iehi kwrn hovy ik qum ^ud snaqi mulk dy pwbmd jivn ivc jiaux kwrn rutin dy Acwnk tu`tx smbmdi muskl qon vwk& eyn[ qyrw DMnvwd[ pmjwb di hwlq pihlw nwlon kw&i cmgi hy, pr ipr vi iekdm nwrml hox dy koei Awswr nhin ids rhy[ ^wilsqwni pqw nhin ikhvi aumid auqy Aqy iks qwkq qy AwpxIAW srgrmiaw jwri r`k rhy hn[ coxw ivc aunhw dy p`k dy ivrud zbrdsq jnqk &qvy ny vi aunhw dy ierwidaw num koei &rk nhin pwieaw jwpdw[ myriaw kivqwvw ijnhw bwry qum ilikaw hy, puryvwl ny smqw con hi kf ky lw id`qiaw hoxgiaw[ ies qrhw dy bmdy num ki kiqw jw skdw hy Blw[ ieqon di swri FwxI TIk-Twk hy[ lkivmdr horin sb qynum Xwd qy slwm Byjdy hn[ kwzz/ CyqI ibjvwaux ivc mdd krin[ bs isr& aunhw di aufik ho rhi hy[ -pws pws di kivqw byd^li lei ibnyp`qr ^wilsqwni AKbwr dys prdys (lmfn) c vi CpI si[ /iemglynf di rwhdwri -smpwdk
SmSyr smdu dy nw qlvmfi slym 17-4-74 ipawry Syr, ikqy qum mynum Bu`l hi nw igaw hovyn[ ^Yr Ajy cyqy nw hi krin, iemiqhwn qon bwd shi[ aus idn Swied qum smwgm ivc AwieAw vi nhin[ jw myry AOx qon pihlw qur igaw hoxw[ myn Jolw dyx AwieAw si ijhnum kyndri lykk sbw dw d&qr smijaw jwdw hy[ myn ku`j bimwr sw[ iek qw if`li qbiaq dw krky dujw nvyn iskmdrw di myri ZYrzuMmyvwrI bwry imhxybwzi nwl myn QoVw ikj ijhw igaw sw[ styj qy Jolw sonpx l`igaw myn ku`j Avw qvw bol igaw[ hux swry auhdw burw mnw rhy hn[ Xwr ieh prqib`d nvyn lykk hn nw? j`qybmdk kmm ivc puri zummyvwri qy eimwndwri dy jzby ly ky AwauNdy hn ijvyn koei kuvi Awpxw pihlw ipawr krdi hy[ aus num AwpxI muh`bq jhwn Br dy iesk nwlon piv`qr l`gdi hy[ hor kuj virhaw q`k izmdgi Aqy jujx dw XQwrQ ienhw auqy hwvi ho jwvygw[ ipr ieh SMky G`t autwieaw krngy[ v`ifaw msilaw num C`f ky bhuq QweIN in`ky in`ky smjoiqaw dw vi kovw Gu`t Br ilaw krngy-ieh bhuigxqi di khwxi hy[ puri di nhin[ j`qybmdk kmmw v`l ienhw di auqsukqw hy qw cmgi[ cmgi ki bhuq mh`qvpurx hy[ pr ieh mgnqw kei vwri swihq nwl qs`dd ho in`bvdi hy[ swihqk j`qybmdiaw di rcnwqmk swihq num dyx humdi zrur hy, isr& iek p`k qy iek h`d qik[ swfy XoDy Awpxy kmm num mhwn kmm nwl gmf mwr idmdy hn[ qum gmf lwaux qy svh lwaux dy &rk num smjdw eyn nw? A`j k`l AsIN BrIAW lei byv v`t rhy hw ies lei ieh Sbd Xwd Aw igaw svh lwauxw r`si v`tx dw auh hunr hy ijhdy nwl do r`isaw dy jov dw pqw nhi l`gdw[
myn g`l num ivcy C`f irhw hwqum iemiqhwn dy lw, myn vwfiaw kr lvw Pyr g`lw krwgy[ qyri bld vwli khwxi lei AQwh auqyjnw hy[ bhuq jia krdw hy AYsIAW cizw sunx num[ qlvmfi slym [ibnw qwrik] ipawry SMmI, myrw hr ^q qyry v`l pihlw ^q humdw hy Swied, pr ieh ^q ilkidaw myn qyzi nwl bu`fw ho irhw hw Aqy mynum smsw hy ik bu`fy h`qw qon ikqy bu`fy A`Kr hi nw ilky jwx[ AYhnW sqrw num qum i&ksn nw smj lvin, bu`fi Awqmw srir num bu`ifaw kr idmdi hy Aqy bu`fw idmwz bu`fiaw g`lw socx l`g pyndw hy[ Aqy jvwni moty qor qy idmwzi siqqi hi hy ijs num AwdmI dy sosl AYnIml hox dw &wiedw autw ky aumr prbwivq krdi hy[ jvwn hoxw aun qw iek qrhw nwl rmgin J`l ei hy pr ies J`l ivcly AMny vyg nwl AwdmI smwj auqy cokw Asr pw jwdw hy, kdrw kimqw auqy koei pwx cwvh jwdw hy[ myn ies rmgin J`l dw bhuqw lobi nhin pr iehdy smwj auqy prbwvw di smwji drsn c coki pwqrqw vyk ky lobi zrur hw[ jivn c smwj num prq`k qor qy spstqw nwl prbwvq krn dy Awm qor qy iqmn qon ly ky pmj ku moky hi humdy hn[ ieh moky auhi ho skdy hn ijnhw num bhuqy loki mh`qv dyx di prmprw bxwei byty hox[ smwj c au~tdi jvwni vyly kuvi icvi v`l A`K pu`t ky nw vykxw hor g`l hy pr rwj Bwg iqawg ky swd ho jwxw, vxw num qur jwxw jmw hi hor mwmlw hy Aqy dujy kys ivc lok bhuqy prbwvq humdy hn crcw krdy hn ikaunik ies ivc frwmw Swml hy[ frwmw eys lei auqsukqw dw hr SYA qon bhuqw
kyndr bxdw hy ik ies ivc GtnwvW ^ws qyzi nwl hrkq c AwauNdIAW hn Aqy jdon jivn cokw gqihix ho igaw hovy, frwmy dw mohk l`gxw kudrqi hy[ frwmy ivc cizw di cox Aqy qrqib aus num AsDwrn gqi b^sdi hy[ iesy qrhw A^bwrW c swdw ivawh DUm Dwm nwl krnw hor g`l hy Aqy ibn A^bwroN g`j v`j ky krnw bhuqw nwtki hy[ bmdy dw jivn smwj num prbwvq eys lei krn vwlw hoxw cwhidw hy ik jivn mwqrw bhuqi Esy ihswb nwl hoieaw krdi ijmnw koei jivn smwj num bhuqw prbwvq kry[ ieh koei smwjvwdi AwdrS nwl sbmdq g`l nhin, jix di swdwrn qknik hy ik koei Enw hi bwhlw jia irhw humdw hy ijmnw smwj auqy prbwvw sdkw auh smwj AMdr AwpxI hond mihsus kr irhw hovy myry eys ^q dw audys ig`li kmd auqy crkw fwhuxw nhin nw koei aupdys jw iglw krnw hy, Aqy ieh qyry ivawh di Gtnw nwl qw au~kw hi sbmdq nhin ikaunik koei vi iek Gtnw izmdgi dy smu`cy gyv qon v`kry mh`qv vwli nhin ho skdi[ nwly ^ud minmgly`s idn ijaux vwlw ArQW bwry gmbir clx di bihs CyVy qw ikho ijhw l`gygw[ AYs AYqvwr di AkwlI p`iqrkw ivc priqm ismg kwlw smigaw di iek idlcsp (vdiaw nhin) khwxi (?) pvhi si cu`p dw Sor[ pihlw lykk v`lon do SbdW ivc lykk num Aw rhy bufwpy prqi Swndwr ivrod di auqyjnw hy Aqy ivklp bvi mur^qw vwlw[ myn cwhumdw hw mur^qw di QweyN huvm`q hovy jo bvi ilawkq vwli ciz hy qyry khwxi nw ilk skx dw, CV`pw ivawh kr lyx dw, mlmgi FwxI nwl qlwk jhi siqqi, Zm nhin, i&kr qyri huvm`q di sur`ikaqw hy, smjdyn? jy vr ivc ieh mmg kriey ik myn Awpxy s`qvyn pu`qr di sb qon CotI vhuti num mihl di novin mmzl auqy sony di cwti ivc du`d irvkdi vykw, qw eys ieko vr ivc Bu`Ky nmgy CVy num ki kuj imldw hy? mmg ivc ieh vi joivaw jw skdw hy, aus numh dy Adu`qI husn di crcw AwpxI s`s qon vi v`d hovy[
AwdmI di iksmq insicq qw BwvyN nhin humdi, pr iek vi pu`itaw igaw kdm Agly s&r dw kw&i kuj inscq kr idmdw hy Aqy cox krn dy moky mn&i ho jwdy hn[ muhmmd ny iek vwr Awpxy iek cyly num iksmq dw ArQ smjwaundy hoieaw koei iek pyr au~pr cu`k lyx num ikhw[ Agly ny s`jw pyr cu`k ilaw[ muhmmd ny ikhw, hux K`bw vi cu`k ly[ ikvyn cu`kdw? muhmmd boilaw so hux qyri mrzi nhin rih gei, pihlw pyr cu`kx qon pihlw qum puri qrhw Awzwd syn, BwvyN K`bw hi cu`k lyndw [ Byq vwli g`l hi eyho hy ik pihlw kdm lyx qon b`s dujy di hoxi inscq ho jwdi hy[ cori krn qon pihlw Ku`lH humdi hy ik BwvyN SWqI BirAw jivn mwxo jw nw, pr ijvyn hi cori kr lei jwvy Aglw jivn inscq ho igaw smjo, quhwfi cox dw Pyr koei mqlb nhin[ iek hor g`l ik jivn ivc hr kdm iek ihswb nwl AwpxI iksm dw pihlw kdm humdw hy, jo Agly di hoxi inscq kr idmdw hy[ qlvmfi slym [mei 1976] ipawry Syrw, Xwr qynum ^q pwaux di surq nhin? Agy qw clo iemiqhwn si hux ikhvy vylxy c bwh AweI hoei Aw? mynum fr ey qum ipmf nw clw igaw hovyn-pyr myri eys ic`ti dw ki bxu? c`l bwhrliaw g`lw dw ki &wiedw? qum iksy idn ipmf Aw[ Awaux qon pihlw mynum ic`ti ilk ky qy myrw juawb pvh ky Awauxw pau[ myn k`l sohiraw qon AwieAW[ smdu swhb (jqybmdi) KtkV qy ku`j hor im`qr hwly vi EQy hi ny[ myn nwvl dw kmm ivcy hi C`f id`qw hy[ Aj k`l mynum iek hor kmm iml igaw ey-&lweiiemg is`k imlkw ismg di jivni
ilkx dw[ hux kxk l`gpg swbi jw cu`ki hy qy myn puri qrhw ikqwb ivc Ku`Bw hoieaw hw[ sohrin pey pey ny myn iek lwhw zrur ilaw[ SYkspIAr di puri rcnw di AhI qhi Pyr id`qi[ ieh kmfw vi icrw qon rvkdw si[ eys qon ibnw myn ipcly mhiny ivc rwdw svwmiaw di In Search of the way (duji vwr), kuj Bwg &ls&y dy iek ieiqhws con Aqy cwr ku gmdy nwvl pvhy hn[ dys prdys lei lgwqwr ilk irhw hw Ajy qw AnvwdW nwl hi kmm swiraw hy[ myn qyriaw syks qy Awm jivn dy ivsy auqy ilkiaw iqmny cwry khwxiaw prwpq krky muv CwpxIAW cwhumdw hw[ iksy qrhw prbmd kr dyh qw[ qynum kmpoizmg qon bwd rswly vwps iml jwxgy[ s`c, qum motr sykl vycxw eyn? jy hy ierwdw qw kr ly sodw myry nwl[ myn A`j k`l iksy cmgy jyhy sykmf hynf motrsykl di Bwl ivc hw[ ijmny qum khyngw dy idawgw[ myry ipqw ji qy bwki t`br Cu`tI Awey hoey ny[ hux vwhvw roxk ey Gr c[ pihlw qw kdy kdy myn msoisaw ei jwdw sw[ b`s ipmf dy mumifaw dw hi Awsrw si[ qwhien myn ipcly swl qon XwrW qy v`d inrbr ho igaw hw[ Blw ieh vi koei g`l hoei ik bmdw immt vi k`lw nw rih sky[ Asl ivc myry AMdroN ku`j twki r`k ky k`f ilaw igaw hy qy auh QW hux pur nhin humdi [ qynum hux ki smjwvw[ kivqw bhuq hi ins`qi ho gei hynw qyrw nw Awpxw -pws jlmdr jylh zrw myry v```l vyk, myn cpl di tu`ti hoei b`dr ivc ipn PsweI iprdw hw poh cvhn vwlw hy! pr g`l ieh hy ik ku`j lok
eyqy isr& but pox hi AwauNdy hn Aqy eyny pwaundy hn, eyny pwaundy hn ik aunhw dy jivn di sb qon v`fi in`grqw but hi bx jwdy hn[ ienhw butw dw vi iek AjIb &ls&w hy[ ieh AwdmI num fumxy di m`ki vwg icmbv jwdy hn Aqy b`s Awpxy jogw hi kr lyndy hn[ bmdw swri aumr ^usi&hmi ivc rihmdw hy ik but qw kyvl auhdi mu`fli lov hn hwly AslI dovw qw auhny bwd ivc lwauxiaw hn[ pr AwdmI AMdr jujx di auqyjnw di aumr eyni G`t humdi hy ik jd q`k auh but hwsl kr lyndw hy, dov skx dw svwl ^qm ho jwdw hy[ qy jd ieaun hi hoxi hy qw ikaun nw ipmnw Aqy b`drw num ly ky is`idaw hi ku`idaw jwvy[ jy iemj Aw skdw eyn qw myn qy bhuq swry hor mlmg, qyry h`q PV ky iklkwriaw mwrdy hoey qurwgy[ swnum su`n v`ty bx ky qurnw hi nhin AwauNdw[ qlvmfi slym 19-7-74 cmgy smdu myn ^us hw ik qum pws ho igaw eyn[ qy ieh hor vi cmgi g`l hy ik qum muv luidawxy Aw igaw eyn[ ies qrhw imlx iglx di AwswnI rihmdi hy[ qyri ic`ti pvhn nwl iek cmgw ijhw Aihsws humdw ey hmysw[ muv muv pvhn nwl vi[ qy ies qrhw bhuq G`t lokw diaw ic`tiaw nwl humdw hy[ qyriaw aukvy hoey pyr jw (jo vi nw qum r`kyn) Aqy itmmi nhin AweI (?) CyqI CpxIAW cwhidiaw hn ikqy vi Cpx[ myry ivc ienhw num CpIAW hoeiaw dykx di qibr lwlsw hy qy bwr bwr pvhn di[ kyfi cmgi g`l hy ik qum in`gr jivn ivcon swdwrn GtnwvW ly ky ilkx l`g ipaw eyn[ nkli Aqy dmb bwry jivn diaw ivsys GtnwvW auqy ilky jw rhy swihq nwlon ieh au~kw hi v`kri g`l hy qy vdiaw vi[ BwvyN
aus iksm dw swihq vi jy aus ivc Confession Aqy Condemnation dy q`q hox qw mh`qvpurx rol Adw krdw hy, ijvyn hux surjiq pwqr qy Aimqoj diaw kivqwvw humdiaw hn[ pr qyrw qy myrw FMg qrikw auh nhin hy[ AsIN smwj num cutkiaw nhin v`fdy, Q`by c Brdy hw (jw Aijhw hoxw cwhidw hy)[ AsIN smwj di Crudity num, ijvyn ik auh hy, jvh qon PVdy hw qy mnw c Acyq qor qy iehnum pu`t ky vgwh mwrn di locw smwei hoei hy[ iehi hy swfw suhjvwd[ moilk swihq dy mwmly ivc AwpxIAW rvnwvw dy jmmx plw ivc koei Concious work nhin kr skdw[ ieh iblkul b`cy dy jnm lyx di ikiraw vwg humdw hy[ isawlw di d`b ky KwDI hoei Kyh dw is`tw, Awpy Awpxw jor pw ky bwhr AwauNdw hy qy jnxi ies sbmd ivc kuj nhin kr skdi[ Concious work audon kridw hy jdon jnm bwd b`cy num nuhwei DoeIdw Aqy nwvu Awid k`itaw jwdw hy[ so sucyq qor qy AsIN rcnw dw ml muqr qy nwvu hi sw& kr skdy hw[ auglwgy auhi, jo AsIN roz idhwvy AwpxIAW krquqw Aqy idmwz rwhin AihswsW di ku`k ivc pwaundy hw so myn smjdw hw swnum bhuqw idawn AwpxI in`q ikiraw auqy dyxw cwhidw hy[ AsIN izmdgi ivc BirSt nw hoeiey, il&y hoey Aqy smjoqy bwz nw hoeiey, GtnwvW num aunhw dy shi prsmg ivc dykx dy smr`q hoeiey-eyho swfi klw swdnw hovygi[ hy nw? iek hor g`l prwpygmfw swihq bwry[ myrw Bwv jivn c kmwey hoey AihswsW dy myc dy prwpygmfw qon nhin, ivcwrdwrw, niqi Aqy dwapycw dy prwpygmfw vwly swihq qon hy jo A`j k`l ikrqi Xog,...Aqy Aks ivc DVw DV Cp irhw hy qy pihlw rohly bwx qy isawv jw ikmqu Awd ivc Cpdw iehw hy[ ieh koei burw nhin[ pr ieh ricaw nhin, ilikaw jwdw hy[ sucyq qor qy[ prcy dw nw bys`k Aks hi hovy jw eydum vi rohi...nw pr ieh...jivn dy XQwrQ dw Aks nhin humdy[ myn ies swihq lei iek bvi hi AXog Term vrqx l`gw hw-
BWjvwdI swihq ieh iek qw...swihq vi hy jo bwhrmu`ki Aqy gumjldwr smwjk XQwrQ ivc Ku`lx di Xwqnw num sihxw nhin cwhumdw, iehdi qwkq inrol ApIlW, PokIAW rshix qy iksy h`d q`k aul jlul ApIlW auqy inrbr krdi hy[ ies dy gux ieh hn[ iek qw ieh...num buri qrhw kyd krn vwlw swihq hy, ijs ivc iqrskwr hy, n&rq hy Aqy gu`sw hy[ dujw ieh smwjvwdi pdwrqvwd lei BUmI iqawr kr irhw hy[ ies qrhw ieh lok ivcwry aunhw ArwjkqwvwdIAW vrgi qkdir vwly hn jo mulkw ivc jmud num qovdy hn, gvbvw PYlw idmdy hn, kei vwr &zul Aqy DVw DV kurbwniaw idmdy hn Aqy lok lihrw dy ivgsx lei QW iqawr krdy hn pr aunhw dy nw ieiqhws ivc Xwd nhin rihmdy smw aunhw num Bu`l jwdw hy pr aunhw di dyx num Awpxy ivc smoei r`kdw hy[ so Aw, ienhw gumnwm (hor ki?) surimaw di mhwnqw num prxwm kriey[ iek hor qrhw dw swihq hy jo jivn dy jivn...num qyzi nwl Awpxy vrgw bxwei jw irhw hy[ ieh hy mwn mrwvw vwly hrdyv QrIikAW vwly qy didwr smdu pvyx vwly qy Aijhy hor lokw dw swihq[ ienhw dy qikx prbwv dw sv`b ienhw di pyskwri nhin, mwidam di AsIm smr`qw hy iek qw ieh iksy num pvhnw nhin pyndw qy suxn c koei imhnq nhin l`gdi dujw ieh fwfi ienswni privrqi dy igrd GuMmdw hy[ ieh lok hvwei jhwzw ivc cldy hn jdon ik AwpW sweiklw auqy hi[ ieh lok izmdgi dy vyri nhin, izmdgi num rmgin vykxw cwhumdy hn[ pr ki ieh s`c hy ik auh s`ci mu`ci iemj cwhumdy hn[ hkikq qw ieh hy ik ieh ku`j vi nhin cwhumdy Awpxy mnhus nwvw dy prcwr Aqy pysy qon ibnw ieh iksy ciz lei zummyvwri nhin lyxw cwhumdy-awpxw t`br qy if`f pwlx di zummyvwri qon ibnw ienhw num GumMf hy ik lok ienhw num psmd krdy hn[ pr ki s`cin lok ienhw num psmd krdy hn? A`j qon pmjwh swl bwd pqw l`gygw ik A`j dy lok ki psmd krdy sn qy ki nhin[ Eie ku`iqau, lokw dy AMdr cik rhy hn qy qusin aunhw
cikw dy nwl nwl ncx lei smgiq iqawr kr rhy ho? smdu, s`c jwxi ienhw num bkisaw nhin jweygw[ Borw vi nhin[ auhi lok ijhvy iehnhw dy irkwrfw di AMnHyvwh iv`kri vdw ky iehnhw numn qwh cwvh rhy hn, auhi iek idn ienhw num p`qrw qy ptkw ky mwrngy qy ienhw num koei vi bcw nhin skygw[ myn iksy Bwvukqw jw isdwqk BivKbwxI con nhin bol irhw[ izmdgi di rona hi AijhI hy[ KUh pu`ty nhin igvn l`gy[ qum pynfu lokw di Gutx bwry g`l kiqi hy[ myn hyrwn hw ik ies Gutx dy Aihsws num qum mhwngr cyqnw nwl ikvyn auljw sikaw eyn[ myn d`sw ieh dovyn ault cizw hn[ au~kw hi ault[ pynfu lokw di Gutx bwry, ikaunik qum ieh ivsw SurU kr ilaw hy, iek v`krw ^q ivsqwr nwl ilkwgw[ hwl di GVI myn ienhw dohw g`lw dy &rk bwry g`l kr lvw[ mhwngr cyqnw msini Xu`g di qyzi con mnu`k dy nguxypx Aqy durdsw dy auqpn AihswsW dw smuhk nw hy, jd ik pynfu jnqw di Gutx qyzi lei qrsyvyn di Aihsws con jmmi hy[ auh A`ky hoey hn, ieh pcvy hoey hn[ aunhw lei AwrQkqw muk nhin hy, ienhw lei sb kuj hy[ auh cizw num mwnisk qor qy hmfwaundy hn, ieh ijsmwni jivn ji rhy hn[ ieh iek ivsys Political Situation di ^ws AvsQw krky hy, auh mnu`ki ivkws krm dy iek ^ws pvwa krky hy[ ieh bdmwsw di dyx hy, auh AnwVIAW di dyx hy[ iehdw h`l hy, auhdw koei sp`st h`l nhin hy[ hux qum eynw AnwVI qw hy nhin ik qynum AkyvyN qy pcvyvyn dw &rk vi smjwauxw pvy[ qum ikhw ik ies pynfu Gutx dw nw BwvyN ku`j hor r`k leiey[ Brwvw, nw hi ikaun, ieh qw ciz hi hor hy[ iehdy ivc swdgi hy, s`c hy qy eimwndwri hy qy ieh auh AvsQw hy jihnum s`ci mu`ci BoigAw jw irhw hy[ jd ik mhwngr cyqnw di pmjwb ivc isr& fonfi ip`ti jw rhi hy[ cmfigvh qon isvw iehdy lei ikqy ^ws kwrn vi nhin hn[ sb qon Aihm g`l qw ieh hy ik pmjwb koei snaqi subw iblkul nhin KyqIbwVI prdwn hy[ jd q`k pmjwb ivc snaq di qyz auswri
nhin humdi izmdgi ivc qyzi Aqy mwnisk bxqr ivc tu`t B`j nhin AwauxI[ AijhI K`sI cyqnw dw iek sroq (Aihm sroq nhin) Bureaucracy vi humdw hy[ ij`qy ij`qy Bureaucracy di Brmwr mcdi hy auqy aus dy ku`j AMS imlx l`gdy hn[ iesy lei myn cmfigvh (dw nw guru nwnk Aqy KyqIbwVI) num...ik pmjwb dy mhwngr cyqnw...brdwr pmjwb di jnqw auqy Bwr hn[ ieh dmbi AdwirAW dy AMg hn[...dw ku`j nhin svwr rhy sgon bysumwr AwrQk boj pw rhy hn[ swnum ienhw dy...aqy ivcwrypx auqy vi S`k krnw cwhidw hy[ swnum koiss krni cwhidi hy ik ienhw dw swihq rswilaw auqy Cw nw jwvy Aqy nvyn lykkw num ieh lok nkli AihswsW di rmgx nw cwvh dyx[ ieh koiss pynfu jivn bwry smquilq phumc r`k ky d`b ilkx nwl hi ho skdi hy[ khwxi gosti AsIN hwly nhin krvw rhy[ myn soicaw hy iehdw koei lwb nhin hoxw[ &zul hy[ koei hor smwgm krvwvwgy jihqon ku`j isikaw jw sky[ A`j k`l myn trwtski num pvh irhw hw[ auhdi svy-jivni vlyqon mmgvwei hy qy 1905 dy AsPl ienklwb bwry auhdy lykw di ikqwb mynum Bgvwn qon iml gei si[ myn iehnw dohw ikqwbw ivcon Fyr swrw is`ikaw hy[ CyqI hi myn auhdiaw bwki ikqwbw vi hwsl kr lvwgw[ Xwr, bvi AsDwrn iksm di Aqy KOrU pwau ruh hy ausdi[ aus qon bwd myn lyinn num iek v`ifen SurU krwgw myn A`gy aus num ivkoil`qry rup ivc A`Dw ku pivhaw hy-pr ijs m`q auqy swnum eyniaw AwsW hox auhdi jwxkwri puri qrhw Aqy hr qrhw hoxi zruri hy[ myn qynum Swied pihlw vi ilikaw si ik myn pwblo nyrudw diaw do ikqwbw ipcly idnin pvhiaw hn mn qrmg qy vih ipawr kivqwvw iehnw dohw ikqwbw ny mynum pihli vwr mihsus krwieaw hy ik kivqw ki humdi hy Aqy ieh ikmni mwr kr skdi hy[ iehnw ikqwbw ny myrw jix ivc ivsvws hor p`kw kiqw hy[ aus ny mynum moq, hnhyry, cu`p Aqy sumdrqw diaw AMdrlIAW prqw dy didwr
krvwey hn[ aus ny ienhw cohw bwry bhuq ilikaw hy, kei vwr duhrwieaw vi hy[ pmjwbi ivc ienhw cohw ivcon kwsy bwry vi kdi ku`j nhin ilikaw igaw[ auh iek kvi hy ijs kol isr& aunglw qy nonh hi nhin, bwhvw vi hn-aqy bwhvw vi Asmwn vwg PYlIAW hoeiaw[ auh iek kvi hy jo mynum AnMd vi idmdw hy qy pryrnw vi[ myn qynum ikvyn d`sw ik myn pwblo num ikmnw ipawr krn l`igaw hw[ b`s qum Awpy smj ly Xwr[ ieh dovyn ikqwbw vi myn vlwieqon mmgvweiaw hn, jdon qum cwhyngw myqon ly lvin[ pvhin zrur[ dys prdys c nokri krn nwl myri AwrQk hwlq sukwvin ho gei hy qy pvhn lei mydwn Ku`lw ho igaw hy[ hux myrw pvhn qy bhuq ic`q hy[ Awsy pwsy PYlI AigAwnqw qon igx vd gei hy[ d&qr jlmdr bx igaw hy[ pr myn auqy rihmdw nhin[ iek qw &rnicr nhin l`bw, dujw ipmf dw moh nhin tu`tdw[ myn frdw hw ieh ipmf dw moh ikqy myry ivkws ivc ivgn nw bx jwvy[ ^Yr... myri morni Awpxy nwnkin gei hoei hy[ myn cwhumdw si ik brswqw ivc auh eyqy hovy pr ieh hsrq puri nhin humdi dihdi[ hor koei kuvi cmgi nhin l`gdi qy Swied eyni cmgi kdy vi nw l`gy-ieh cmgw nhin pr ieaun hi hy[ myn iesk dy mwmly ivc pdwrqvwdi pqw nhin ikaun nhin hw[ Swied ieh swfw ivrsw hy jo kmbl vwg cumbivaw hoieaw hy[ mhwngr cyqnw hi ies qrhw socx qon Cutkwrw idvweygi[ k`l num AMimRqsr jw irhw hw[ tryf XUnIAinzm bwry gosti suxn lei[ qum vi AwieAw jwieaw kr kdy AMbrsr diaw gostiaw ivc[ bviaw is`ikawdwiek Aqy idlcsp humdiaw hn ieh: Awm bihsw di lih qon ht ky[ myriaw iqmny nviaw kivqwvw AYqkIN srdl ivc pvh lvin qy aunhw bwry rwie zrur dyvin[ ieh myry lei bhuq kimqi hovygi[ hw s`c, iek g`l mmnygw? myn Swied &zul iksm dw h`k jqw irhw hw pr myn qynum bynqi krni cwhumdw hw muv kivqw
ivc nw CpIN[ ieh eimwndwr prcw nhin hy[ quhwnum BYVy mnorqw lei vrq irhw hy[ myry kol ies di koei dlil nhin, myri ruh di Awvwz hy b`s[ ZOr krin[ A`Cw hux qynum bor krnw b`s krw[ myri iksy vi g`l num nsihq nw smjin[ myn qyrw dosq hw, qynum gwlh k`f skdw hw is`ikaw nhin dy skdw[ jd myn qynum ilk irhw humdw hw Asl ivc Awpxy Awp nwl g`lw kr irhw humdw hw qy ijvyn sp`st hoxw cwh irhw hovw-blw myn Awpxy Awp num vi m`q dyvwgw? myriaw g`lw qy ikmqu krnw is`k[ jy qum myry nwl livaw nw kryngw qw AwpW cmgy dosq nhin rih skwgy[ GtIAw im`qrqw dw lwb nhin hy[ (riivau hym jxoqi ivc vi Cpygw[) in`g Aqy siqkwr nwl -pws sohx ismg smdu dy nw qlvmfi slym 24 dsmbr 1973 myry bhuq cmgy ipqw ji, quhwfy v`l vyikaw mynum AwpxI iksmq bhuq AmIr lgdi hy[ kws, myri pivhi dy hryk nojuawn kol quhwfy ijhw ipqw humdw[ mynum iek ikj ijhi kei virhaw qon bycyn kri AwauNdI hy ik myn quhwfy lei Enw cmgw ikaun nhin bx sikaw ijmnw ik quhwfw h`k ey[ ieh ikj EdoN vi myriaw A`KW c si jdon AwpW ipcli vyr ivcvy sw qy hux vi myry idl c hy jd ik myn ^q ilk irhw hw[
^q num dyri ies lei hoei ik myn quhwfy kol JUT nhin bolxw cwhumdw sw[ Awpxy bwry iek vdiaw ipqw num JUT-mUT diaw qs`liaw dyxw koei cmgi g`l nhin[ drasl myn Awpxy Awp num &Yslw krn lei mnw irhw sw ijs di ik quhwfy ^q ivc mmg si[ qy hux myn Awpxy Awp qy kwbu pwaux dw &Yslw kr ilaw hy[ myn koiss krwgw ik hmysw ies &Ysly qy kwiem rhw[ mynum mmnxw pyndw hy ik izmdgi ivc myn bhuqw isawxw nhin hw[ ipau pu`qr diaw pivhiaw dy izmdgi ivcly bury Bly num prkx lei kuj ku v`kry mwp zrur humdy hn, pr eyny nhin ik vkrwa di AwV ivc hr ZlqI num jwiez TihrwieAw jw sky[ Asl ivc ivigawn di qr`ki nwl lokw dw jivn vdyry Mechanised ho irhw hy Aqy ies msinikrn nwl lokw dy AwriQk jivn qon ielwvw smwji smskwrw, mwnvqwvw qy ivsvwsw auqy vi &rk ipaw hy[ ipclw pmjwh swl dw smw smwji cyqnw ivc tu`t B`j dw smw irhw hy, swihq di BwSw ivc ies num moh BMg dw smw AwiKAw jwdw hy[ smwji AslIAq jo qih swl pihlw si auh hux nhin hy[ pr hux ki hy-iehnum BlI BWq smj skxw eynw sokw nhin[ smwji qwxw-bwxw eynw aulj igaw hy ik koei jxw jo ieko vyly iehnum smjx di koiss vi kr irhw hovy Aqy nwl hi Awp vi ies tu`t-b`j dw iskwr hovy-ies dy AsUlW num inkwr ky pys nhin kr skdw ik Awh hn smwj dy inxm! G`to G`t myn qw ies qrhw krn dy kwbl nhin hw[ myn, bhuq swry swihqkwr qy smwj ivigawni vrqmwn dy XQwrQ num smjx di koiss kr rhy hn[ ivigawni pihlw diaw iqauriaw qy smwijk ivkws dy inxmw di shwieqw nwl A`j num prk ky iksy is`ty qy pu`jx di koiss krdy hn qy swihqkwr ies izmdgi ivc fumgy Ku`B ky AmlI qor qy smjx di koiss krdy hn[ AsIN swry swdwrn mnu`k di ruh dw SYqwn qy ruh dw dyvqw PV skx lei smgrs kr rhy hw[ ies smgrs ivc ivigawni dw rol kyvl drsk vwlw hi ho skdw hy pr swihqkwr dw nhin[ swihqkwr drsk nhin ho
skdw[ izmdgi di ies ivswl styj auqy aus num iksy nw iksy rup ivc ih`sw lyxw hi pyndw hy[ pr AsIN dovyn (smwj ivigawni qy lykk) s`cy qy eimwndwr hw[ swfw qijw rkib isawsqdwn byeimwn hy[ auh smwj dy s`c num svwrq dy SISy ivcon dykdw hy qy mrzi muqwbk qov mov ky pys krdw hy[ myn A`j qwein ijmni vi rcnw kiqi hy aus dy eyfi CyqI pwpulr hox dw iehi kwrn hy ik ies ilkx ipcy iksy muf di qrmg jw Hypocrisy dw h`q nhin sgon smwji izmdgi ivc mihmgy qy AOKy qjrby kr ky jo vi smijaw hy, ilikaw hy[ nhin qw swihq num &YSn vjon rcx vwly Axigxq swihqkwr jo pmjwh-s`t swlw qon lgwqwr klm igswei kr rhy hn, A`j aunhw num koei nhin jwxdw[ qy quhwfy 23 swlw pu`qr dy iksy smwgm ivc jwx qy hzwrw lok siqkwr vjon KVy ho jwdy hn jw qwviaw mwrdy hn[ ieh myn iksy GumMf ivcon nhin ilk irhw, sgon izmdgi dy cmgy jw mwvy AmlI qjrby di AihmIAq d`sx lei ilk irhw hw[ myn smwj ivc AwpxI koei inrlyp S^sIAq bxwaux di koiss nhin kiqi[ myn ies dy bury Bly, fr, dlyri, gmdgi qy s&wei ivc gl qik fu`ibaw irhw hw[ jy myn pvh ilkky, sy`t hoky prmprw gq rup ivc pqvmqy s`jxw (ijvy qusin ho) ivc AwpxI QW bxw lyndw, qw myn ieh kdi nhin si bx skxw jo A`j hw[ myn izmdgi ivc AnykW mwinisk qy srirk qkli&w J`lIAW hn[ Zlq smwjk qy rwjniqk prbmd dw iek swdwrn AwdmI vwg iskwr irhw hw qy ies vrqmwn num iksy nhwqy Doqy siqkwrq pqvmqy drsk di nzr qon nhin dyk irhw[ sgon iek drvy jw rhy Awm AwdmI dy prqikrm (Reaction) ivcon dyk irhw hw[ ieho myri bwki lykkw dy mukwbly s&lqw dw Byq hy[ myn jo kuj ilkdw hw aus ivc Awm lokw di ruh dy p`dr bwry AmlI rup ivc understanding humdi hy qy auh pwtkw num inrol AwpxI lgdi hy[ eysy lei auh mynum ghu nwl pvhdy Aqy psmd krdy hn[ isv kumwr di kivqw num lok CyqI Bu`l jwxgy[ ikaunik auh isr& kuviaw
nwl iesk di kivqw hy[ myri kivqw bhuq icr izmdw rhygi ikaunik ieh smu`ci izmdgi nwl iesk (ijdhy ivc kuviaw nwl iesk vi iek AMg hy) di kivqw hy[ isv di kivqw num pris`d krn ivc rwg dw h`q vi si[ pr myn inrol Bwvnw di qikxqw (Intensity of feeling) krky prvwn civhaw hw[ ieh &rk hy sovi nzr vwly lykkw qy myry ivc[ myn izmdgi ivc AnykW kuviaw nwl iesk kiqy hn[ auhnw dw Awpxy auqy Aqy Awsy pwsy dy lokw auqy prqikrm vyikaw hy[ lok hn ik iesk di fonfi ip`tdy hn[ lok hn ik ies fonfi ip`tx ivc AwpxI ruhwni AXwSI krdy hn[ lok hn ik bdnwmi krn ivc mzw lyndy hn[ lok hn ik bdnwmi num ivsr jwdy hn[ lok hn ik iksy ipawr khwxi ivcon ^usi vi lyndy hn, eirkw vi krdy hn, duki vi humdy hn qy jldi hi Bu`l vi jwdy hn[ ienhw ivcon lokw dw AslI rup ikhvw hy koei vi nhin[ Asl ivc ieh swriaw cizw imlw ky hi lokw dw Asl rup bxdw hy[ lok iksy vi g`l qy AV ky nhin KVy[ iksy vi g`l ivc jw AsUl ivc lokw dw ivsvws nhin[ lok Awpy AsUlW di sqwpnw krdy hn[ Awpy qovdy hn[ AsUlW dy tu`tx nwl Awpy ^us humdy hn, Awpy duki humdy hn[ Asl ivc smuhk izmdgi ivc (tu`t-b`j kwrn) koei Amr scwei nhin rhi ijs qy ik smwj KVw hovy[ swry jxy Drm ADrm, cnmgy bury bwry hvw ivc ltk rhy hn[ kuj ku hvwei AkIidAW vrgy AwdrS mojud hn pr koei vi aunhw qy purw nhin au~qrdw[ hr jxw AMdroN polw hy qy dujy num p`kw dykxw cwhumdw hy[ swfy smwj ivc koei (Moral) nhin hy[ AsIN swry iek ingwr di AvsQw (Dark Period) ivc ji rhy hw[ so nw myn cmgw hw nw mwvw[ nw JUTw hw nw bhuqw s`cw[ nw bhwdr hw nw frpok[ myn auhi hw jo myry Awsy pwsy dy lok hn[ myn auhi hw jo swnum swiraw num ies inzwm, ies prbmd ny bxw id`qw hy[ &rk isr& ieh hy ik myn ies swry kwsy num ilk skdw
hw qy lok ies swry kwsy num isr& ji rhy hn ilkxw aunhw dw mnorq nhin[ pr myn socdw hw ik myn iek`lw swihqkwr hi nhin[ sgon iek pu`qr qy Brw vi hw qy ienhw dw myry qy h`k vi bxdw hy[ ies h`k ADIn mynum kuj p`k lwzmi qor qy C`fxy pyxgy[ qy auh C`f dyx dw myn &Yslw kr ilaw hy, BwvyN ieh &Yslw krn lei mynum AOiKAweI ivcon lmgxw ipaw hy[ myn qwhiaun CyqI au~qr nhin dy sikaw hw[ myn quhwfy qon kuj lukwvwgw nhin[ myrw iek kuvi nwl iqmnw swlw qon iesk c`l irhw hy[ pr aus nwl nhin ijs bwry Edx g`l hoei si auh qw bhuq gmdi kuvi hy qy ies Xog vi nhin ik my auhnum ipawr kr skw[ myrw ipawr aus nwl hy ijs di qusin v`fi &oto vyki si[ AsIN dovyn iek duey di ruh diaw fumgweiaw qik auqr gey sw[ jdon kdi swfw AwpsI qwl myl kuj idnw lei tu`t jwdw si qw auhi bdnwm kuvi swfy ivcwly kvi dw kmm krdi si[ ikaunik aus num imlxw bhuq sokw si qy aus num zrw AOKw[ aus idn ij`dx ieh g`l PYlI si auh kuvi mynum koei sunyhw dyx lei imli si[ qy duji GoiVAW vwli g`l-auh myn isr& ig`dw vykx igaw sw qy bhuqi pi jwx krky zrw bysurq ho igaw sw[ ies qon v`d ku`j nhin[ qy myn Awpxy imlx iglx num C`f id`qw hy[ ies &Ysly bwry aus kuvi num vi jwxu krw id`qw hy[ ivcwri ku`j idn AOKI qw bhuq hovygi qy Swied kei swl vi-pr holi holi sb TIk ho jwvygw[ iek hor g`l hy, Swied quhwfy mmnx ivc nw Awvy[ pr ieh s`c hy ik myn Ajy qik izmdgi ivc kdy vi Intercourse nhin kiqw[ A`Cw, lokw dy ruhwni stand di iek imswl dy lvw[ aus idn qon mgron GoVy cmgi qrhw boldy nhin sn[ mgron aunhw di dvwnikaw nwl lvwei ho pei[ mwmlw Qwxy q`k igaw[ myn lokw qon gupq rih ky aunhw di mdd kiqi qy aus idn qon auh Pyr
pihlw vwg KulH gey hn[ kuj ic`q cyqy vi nhin[ d`so ikqy KVy hn ieh lok? qusin ies swry kwsy num smjdy ho qy hor vi smj skdy ho[ iehi myri ^usnsibi hy[ myn hzwrw nojvwnw num jwxdw hw jo mw bwp dy ruhwni &wsly qon duki hn[ r`b kry Awpxw ieh &wslw kdy vi nw Awvy[ myry duk hor hn qy dujy mumifaw nwlon G`t hn[ myn DMnvwdI hw ik qusi myry du`kw num Gtwaux ivc mddgwr ho[ mynum bibi ji bhuq cyqy AwauNdy rihmdy hn[ ivcvn qon mgron myn aunhw di AwpxI izmdgi ivc QW num hor vi vdyry mihsus kr sikaw hw[ aunhw qwein myrw AQwh ipawr phumcw dyxw[ primmdr bvi bibi BYx hy[ auhnum Su`B iecwvw[ qy qusin myry cmgy qy isawxy ipqw ji, myriaw swriaw g`lw lei jo quhwnum cmgiaw nhin lgdiaw qy myry ies ic`ti ivcly mumh- P`t puxy lei mw& kr dyxw[ quhwfw lhu- Avqwr myri duji ikqwb auvidaw bwzw mgr ds jnvri qik mwrkit ivc Aw jwvygi[ Ajy aus di CpweI sbmdi kmmw ivc ru`ijaw hw[ mgron Swied id`li AwvW[ [syntw klwrw] 9 jun 1987 ipawry Bwpw ji, bi ji, BwA ji Aqy pirvwr, quhwfw ^q iml igaw hy[ jdon myn quhwnum ipcli ic`ti ilki qw EdoN myn hor dosqw nwl aunhw dy ApwrtmYNt ivc AwrzI qor qy rih irhw sw[ mei di do qwrik qon myn hor do jixaw nwl iml ky swjw ApwrtmYNt ly ilaw hy ikaunik ikrwey bhuqy hox krky
iek`ilaw rihxw muskl hy[ ieh do by`fw, &rmt rum,ikcn qy bwq rum vwly in`ky Gr hn[ iek kmry ivc myn qy rwxi irhw krwgy[ dujy ivc dovyn duey dosq[ rwxi Ajy DIdo dy prqx q`k pmmi kol hi rhygi ikaunik ausdi syhq TIk nw hox krky b`icaw di swb Aqy Kwxy Awid di sm`isaw hy[ kmm mynum EdoN hi iml igaw si[ h&qw ku qw tryinmg qy lwieaw[ pihlw pihlw boli smjx di id`kq si, Awp bolx di au~kw hi nhin si[ ienhw dw &onyitk isstm BwrqI AMgryzI nwlon v`krw, kwhlw Aqy lokl slyng hox krky cmgi qrhw ipv p`ly nhin si pyndw[ pr CyqI hi myn kwbu pw ilaw[ ieh in`q dy vwh nwl hi smbv si[ kmm myri syhq Aqy subwa dy vwhvw AnukUl hy iek gys stysn (pytrol pmp) hy Gr dy nyvy hi[ auqy A`T GMty dw kmm hy (Awm qor qy 3PM qon 11PM) iek`ly dw kmm Aqy au~pr koei ingrwn Awid nw hox krky myri nzly di bimwri AiV`kw nhin bxdi, cwr fwlr GMty dy bxdy hn[ kuj hor kimsn Awd py jwdy hn vwdu dy[ A`gy jw ky hor vi vdxgy[ kmm AOKw nhin hy[ AmrIkw ivc swry kmmw AMdr AwaUt pu`t nwlon SoA myn is`p izawdw idkwauxi pyndi hy[ ijhvw bmdw ijmnw inj`k Aqy glwdv hovy aunw hi psmd kiqw jwdw hy[ Gu`gU v`tw bxy rihx vwly num hr kmm dy AXog smijaw jwdw hy[ AMgryzI BwvyN ijmni vi BYVI AwauNdI hovy q`t &`t boli jwxw zruri hy AYvyN hwau Awr XU, hyv ey nweis fy, pryti gu`f, si XU Agyn Awid TokI c`lo A&sr Aqy kstmr bvy inhwl rihmdy hn[ myry vwly gys stysn auqy Cy pmp hn[ iqmn syl& srivs vwly ijnhw qy gwhk Awpy nozl PV ky pytrol pw lyndy hn Aqy mitr dyk ky aunhw qon pysy PVny Aqy bkwieaw Awid movnw humdw hy[ bwki iqmn Pu`l srivs vwly hn aunhw qy pytrol dugxw mihmgw hy b`s aunhw auqy l`gx vwliaw kwrw vwly jw AmIr humdy hn jw PUM PW dy SOkIn[ ienhw num izawdw lolo popo krky idkwei di hy[ AYvyN kwr dy rmg jw mwfl di is&q kr ide[ SIsy auqy burs ijhw mwr ky AwKo ikmnw sohxw cmkdw hy! ip`cy dykx vwly in`ky SIisAW num